jumbled fizz and feathers

Yesterday I enjoyed a sweet scrumptious day ALONE in my new studio for the first time. Ahhhh!!  I love to watch the sun come up from my cozy cabin before walking through the woods with Zaydee to the studio.  I love being alone up here.  I love LOVE LOVE my new studio!!!  Where to start? Of course there are two commissioned sculptures which I have begun but  vivid images and the feelings left from the “dead duck” experience entice me to explore (see post below).  The “feathers stuffed in my chest” feeling has gagged my innards and crunched my soul frequently during the past months.  Strange that I felt jammed with chest hurting sadness between moments of elation when the studio of my dreams was being built.  Similarly, the horrific “THWAP” duck death contrasts with an odd beauty held in my memory of the scene in the rear-view mirror that morning- white feathers swirling like frenzied fairies in sunlight.  Only now, after a day alone on the mountain and in my studio do I realize just how much the dry fluff stuffed pain in my chest comes simply from my need for solitude, my love of sky and the overwhelming desire to be settled into a space and place creating.  I need freedom to explore without stuffing huge armloads of emotion down my throat to hold tight behind lungs and I prefer to be alone without interruption during much of the process.  Chaos exists inside thus I desire a sense of place and a settled down-ness around me before opening Pandora’s Box. I am overwhelmed.  A zillion thoughts, ideas, images, and impulses fizz inside like a soda can bounced three miles down the rocky road from my cabin to the river - ready to explode.  Carefully tap.  Tap.  Tap.  Breath.  Release a teeny tiny bit – Open.  Sputter.  Spew.